HomeArticlesBritney Spears’s All-In Love Affair with Target – Lights Out with David Spade
Britney Spears’s All-In Love Affair with Target – Lights Out with David Spade
October 19, 2019
Went after Amelia Earhart? -Nobody’s safe.
-I know. We’re going af– we’re going after the… Eh. (laughter) A couple of ’em clanked,
but, overall, pretty good. All right,
we’re gonna get right at it. -We got some big stuff.
-GAILEY: Okay. Uh, according to, uh, sources– the monologue– Britney Spears
made over 80 trips to Target. This feels like
a very white story. Megan,
what do you think about that? (laughter) Honestly, when I heard “80,”
I was like, “That feels low.” SPADE:
Oh, yeah? I did a triple Britney
last year. SPADE:
Oh. -That’s 240. -Yeah,
I was doing this in my head. -Not a trick.
-Yeah, that’s math. Yeah, that’s math. -(laughter)
-FRANJOLA: He, also, uh… It said on the receipt
that she went a lot -to Hobby Lobby,
as well as Target. -GAILEY: Oh. How would you like to be
the person on the receiving end of whatever crappy craft
she made at Hobby Lobby? Kind of like,
“Oh, thanks, Britney. What are these–
glittered-covered twigs?” (laughter) God’s eyes? -(laughter)
-More yarn. You know, I… I-I always
feel like… I feel for her, ’cause she seems
like a nice girl, and then, you know, her dad
kind of runs the show, and… My friend’s a realtor. They said, they showed him
a house, and he’s like, “Yeah, what would be
a good jail room for Britney?” -Yeah.
-Oh. “Could I turn the rumpus room
into a prison where that she could
never leave?” -Ron?
-FUNCHES: That… Thank you. That was a good segue to me. (laughter) (applause and cheering) -Yeah. -He’s been doing this
for two weeks. -Yeah. -I know. I was trying
to get out of my own joke. (laughter) I think we should celebrate it. That’s where she belongs.
Target is a great place. It is a white trash paradise, and she is
the white trash queen. And it’s… it’s just perfect. I would go to Target
every day if I could. SPADE:
Target’s the only place that sells her particular, uh,
version of smeared eyeliner that she likes
to wear constantly. Looks like a girl
who loses her keys a lot, right? She bought also $66,000
worth of cleaning products. That’s like my buddy on meth. Always…
(imitates scraping sound) Not a close friend. Ron? (laughter) Has anyone given one ounce
of thought about that yellow snake
that hasn’t worked in 15 years? “Like, wait a minute.
She’s got 60,000 bucks “to spend on cleaning products? I can’t even get a job in a
(bleep) circus for God sakes.” Yeah, I… First of all,
she could just buy the Target. But I blame
Rolling Stone for this, because remember they were
sexualizing her in the old days? Remember this?
She was 17 during this. By the way, what about
when I did Rolling Stone? -Is that up there? Yeah.
-Oh. That’s what they did to me. They made me take my shirt off. That was at the end
of the shoot. The photographer– very smooth–
he goes likes this. (imitates camera clicking)
“Lose the top?” (laughter) -What is this for?
-This was a… -Ron, I’m a huge star.
-(applause and cheering) Guys. Guys. FRANJOLA: It would be hot
and horny in there. -Was a big star.
-SPADE: Yeah, yeah. (laughter, groaning) Are you bringing this up
just so you can remind us that you were on the cover
of Rolling Stone? -No, I would never do that.
-That’s what it feels like. -Yeah?
-Let’s go to the next topic. (laughter) -Me on the cover of
Entertainment Weekly. -Oh, wow! -Whoa!
-(applause and cheering)