SHUCKING OYSTERS FOR PEARLS!


– I got a box of oysters. Someone sent me all these
oysters so I could shuck them. The oysters, not the
people who sent them to me. I will not shuck a human, okay? I refuse. I guess there’s like, super expensive, valuable pearls in here? And I’m trying to retire this week, so. Why is it juicy? (disgusted noises) ‘Kay, ew, gross, first off. Second, (disgusted noise) Please do not rocket-pop
fire towards my body. I feel like I can’t trust you. You still smell, okay? I gotta do something about you. How do I shuck an oyster? I should probably deal
with the smell first and then I’ll deal with the shucking. I don’t wanna get oyster
juice all over me, not again. What’s the right way to go about it? Oh, that’s cute, look how shiny that is. No one told me this would be enjoyable. Okay, wow. My fingers smell. Like oyster juice. All of it. I’m gonna shuck it on my knees ’cause I don’t plan out camera angles. Is there an oyster in there? Am I gonna have to battle
this oyster for the pearl? I ain’t willing to do it. I’m so sorry I keep ripping you apart. I’m money-hungry. Okay, so you wanna play hard clam, do you? I’ve gotten this far,
which isn’t very, so. You’re the slimiest, yet hardest thing I’ve ever touched in my entire life. Oh I did it! He just popped right open. I’m not digging through the oyster. Spit it out! Ow, did you bite me?! I got an oyster splinter. Where is the pearl? Drop it. Spit it out. I’m not, uh uh. I’m so sorry. Wait, am I supposed to eat these
or is there pearls in here? All of it. Oh this one’s not cracked
open like the other one. This is like when you get a pistachio that’s closed all the way and you can’t dig your teeth into the
little crack to crack it open. Hello, are you a pearl? You’re hard, oh no, that’s a body part. (gasps) I got a pearl! I’m rich! Do you have the other oyster’s pearl? ‘Cause he didn’t have one. You wanna put up a fight, do you? Well five can play that game. I’m just trying to retire,
move your butt so I can see. (gasps) I almost gave up but
there’s a pearl in there. I really think there’s
another one in this first one. Digging through oyster
guts is not– (gasps) I almost threw it away when there was a precious pearl in there. Look at all them pearls! How much are these worth? I’m gonna Google it. I’m also gonna Google Ferrari’s. I lost a Ferrari. Found it. What is that? You’re not a pearl, get out of here! Well, I don’t normally walk
around with this much cash on me, but I have since
upped my tax bracket, okay? Down payment for a Ferrari is $20,000? That’s like, pocket pearls to me.

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